"We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are."
- Marjorie Pay Hinckley
Sister Hinckley is just a well of wisdom for me; I draw on her often. The last few weeks, I've been thinking a lot about the new year. I like the idea of a new year, a clean slate, an unwritten manuscript. I like the idea that I can be better than I was last year. I like the idea that I can evolve (or at least try). I take myself FAR too seriously (my husband and my dad are probably getting whiplash agreeing with this statement), and New Year's Resolutions are serious business for me. I've analyzed my life in depth the past month or so, searching for areas that need the most attention. In the process, I've thought a lot about this quote, and what it means to "develop maturity" and be "content with what we are."
One area that I've considered (an area I've considered for years) is possibly getting up early (very difficult for me), before anybody else is up, and getting myself "spiritually" ready for the day. I've often fantasized about how patient, kind, and loving I would be if I were up at 6:00 every morning having read my scriptures, prayed earnestly in my closet, showered, hair done, make-up on, dressed in real clothing. Can't you just see me gently and lovingly waking every child up (having laid all clothing out the night before) and enjoying a non-rushed, homemade, healthy breakfast. I even envisioned purchasing special breakfast place mats that I set the night before, inviting my family to begin the day by sitting around the table together. Homework done the night before, permission slips signed and cozily tucked away in folders inside backpacks. Lunches made the night before and anxiously waiting in the refrigerator. No mad dash for missing shoes; no panicking because we are out of bread (again); no "Oops! I forgot I have a book report due today. It's supposed to be a life-size diorama made out of nonperishable food." In my mind, this would be the secret to our success.
I let this idea mull around for a few days. One morning, over Christmas vacation, I was lying in bed with Spencer on one side and Kade on the other. Eventually, Paige and Macy came in and surrounded Greg. The boys have developed this habit of waking up in the morning (it was consistently 7:15 on the dot for a few months) and coming into our bed. They like to climb all the way in and pull all of the "cubbers" up to their little chins. Spencer is a natural snuggler and wraps both arms around my neck and holds on for several minutes. My favorite mornings are when he whispers his first words of the day: "I wake up. I love you, Mama." Kade is getting better at the snuggling, and likes to play with my ear. Especially over Christmas Break (when we didn't have to get up to get ready for school), we lingered in bed for a long time.
It was one of these mornings that I made the mature decision that getting up early and having a "Leave it to Beaver" breakfast is NOT the best thing for our family. This is not the time nor season for perfect order. This IS the time and season for snuggling in bed with my babies. My favorite Christmas album this year was Mindy Gledhill's "Winter Moon." I love the song "Little Soldier:"
Little soldier under the tree
Play a Christmas song for me
All the house is slumbering deep
but I have secrets I must keep
Father time comes creeping in
We fight back but he will win
If I asked one Christmas wish then it would be
Soldier, could you win back time for me?
Little soldier, tap, tap your beat
I will stand on Daddy's feet
We will dance as if I were ten
Even if it's just pretend
Father time comes creeping in
We fight back but he will win
If I asked one Christmas wish then it would be
Soldier, could you win back time for me?
I've made the executive decision that it is important for me to enjoy these last few months of snuggle time with my babies. I know that means rushed breakfasts and we'll be lucky if the kids get their hair brushed before running out the door. I know that means that I will be beg for just "5 more minutes" of warmth and love during these cold mornings, which means that I will be frantically making lunches in my bathrobe and serving cold cereal instead of whole-grain oatmeal. I've decided that I am comfortable with this pace.
When I started having my kids, I did not realize how short of a time-span that I will have little ones in my presence. That morning in my bed, I realized that we've only got a few more months (maybe a year) when I will have toddlers that actually want to snuggle with me. Then, these precious moments will be gone. Forever. I'm sure other precious moments will replace them, but this phase will be over. I've decided to relish it.
I am content with this decision.
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